| Toxicology personified |

2005-05-02T17:49:00.000+08:00

vindicated.

allow me to post some surveys that will surely waste your time, my friends. feel free to read on.

1. Name two drinks you regulary drink.
~ i usually drink water and iced tea because my taste buds say so. they have become accustomed to their tastes and can never let a day pass without soaking themselves in these liquid delights.=p

2. What's in your CD player?
~ Orange's CD (which is a bit of a disappointment though, since it only has four rad songs...)

3. What time did you wake up today?
~ i slept (again) at around 6am, then found myself awake at around 8am. cool.

4. Current hair?
~ it's getting longer now but my mother won't have it cut short. she doesn't want to while i, on the contrary, am dying to do so. i even cut my bangs shorter just two days ago. (*sshh*)

5. Current desktop picture?
~ uhm... none, as of the moment. i am planning to place cosmo's (from fairly odd parents) on it, though. kawaii!

6. Current worry?
~ don't start with me - i still have a long list of THESE to go through.

7. Current hate?
~ this world in which i live in.

8. Favorite places to be:
~ in my room, where i get to do loads of stuff not worth mentioning here..

9. Least favorite place to be:
~ none in particular.

10. If you could play an instrument:
~ it'd have to be the drums, cello and the bass guitar. i think they're all cool. people who play these three wonders are indeed cool.

11. Favorite color(s):
~ orange, green and pink. nothing could be better.

12. How tall are you?
- exactly 5 feet. satisfied about my dwarfism?

13. One Person From Your Past You Wish You Could Go Back And Talk To:
~ my dreiundzwanzig's not exactly a part of my past as of now, is *he?

14. Favourite Day(s)?:
~ wednesdays! i love wednesdays. wave back wednesdays.

15. Where Would You Like To Go?:
~ as of now? to HEAVEN!

16. Where Do you want to live when you get married?:
~ i honestly do not have to worry about these things this early, do i?

17. My home country:
~ my beloved Philippines. duh?

18. Favorite food?:
~ recently, i just developed this unusual craving for blueberry cheesecakes. yum.

19. Color of most clothes you own:
~ orange - lots of them.

20. Number of pillows you sleep w/?
~ three...

21. What do you wear when you go to sleep:
~ PJs. i feel good in them.

22. What were you doing 12AM last night:
~ i was asleep! would you believe it?

23. How old will you be 10 yrs from now:
~ uhm... 24 years old. DUH?

24. What do you think you'll be in 10 years?:
~ something i wished i would become ten years ago? haha.

25. First piercing/tattoo?:
~ one per ear...

26. First enemy?:
~ you do not expect me to rummage through my past just to hunt for the lost persona of my first enemy, do you?

27. Last person you yelled at?:
~ my mother. if you only knew why, i'm sure you'd never give me that "how-rude-can-this-girl-get" look...

1. Have you ever fallen asleep in class?
-- i have (a couple of times already), and i wasn't caught. not even once. three cheers for cunning!

2. Have you ever eaten pork?
-- duh? of course i have.

3. Have you ever vomited in a vehicle?
-- nope.

4. Have you ever beaten up a friend?
-- i have! probably a couple of years back... i just cannot remember who!

5. Have you ever slapped ur partner?
-- i do not even have this PARTNER you speak of, to begin with!

6. Have you ever smoked?..
-- nah.

7. Have you ever got so drunk?
-- nah. haha.

8. Have you ever eaten snake?
-- i have no plans whatsoever of eating such! talk about repugnance!

9. Have you ever felt as if u were gonna die?
-- yeah. LAST CHRISTMAS.

10. Have you ever had deja vu?
-- a couple of times, yes!

11. Have you ever played with fire?
-- i have. *smirks*

12. Have you ever cried at a public place?
-- is our school canteen considered as a "public place"?=p

13. Have you ever relieved urself in class?
-- i dunno...

14. did you ever fall from a bicycle?
-- ahaha! do not remind me!

15. Have you ever had butterflies in ur stomach?
-- everytime i passed by my xxiii, i always did!

16. Have you ever missed someone so badly??
-- one word: DUH? *xxiii

17. Have you ever passed out after an event?
-- not really. but i tend to have my breath cut short.

18. Have you ever gotten stones thrown at u?
-- probably...

19. Have you ever got pepper in ur eyes?
-- not really. (pepper! patmar. haha.)

20. Have you ever been on a diet?
-- not really. but now i think i should!

21. Have u gone naked in your house?
-- *glares* no!

22. Have you ever stripped someone naked?
-- YUCK.

23. Have you ever taken a pic of urself naked?
-- hell, no!

24. Have you ever clubbed til dawn?
-- by that time, i'd have to be home to spare myself of being hanged upside down the next day.

25. Have you ever been in a lift with someone who has body odour?
-- yeah! yuck.

26. Have you ever been so angry u feel like killing the person?
-- ako pa?

27. Have you ever had a break up due to the existence of a third party?
-- uhm.. no.

28. Have you ever wanna commit suicide?
-- yes! very much.

29. Have you ever challenged ur teacher?
-- i can't recall...

30. Have you ever lost ur cellphone?
-- yeah..

31. Have you ever lost in gambling?
-- yes! and i lost a great deal of money, too.

32. Have you ever been told ur cute?
-- a lot of times, but i think they're just a big bunch of liars.

33. Have you ever had a crush?
-- duh?

34. Have you ever confessed ur feelings?
-- i did, and now look at me - happy. _xxiii

35.Have you ever gotten urself into trouble?
-- most of the time, YES.

36. Have you ever lied to ur parents?
-- yeah.

37. Have you ever been spotted making out?
-- no way!!

38. Have you ever had a one night stand?
-- NO WAY.

2005-04-23T15:46:00.000+08:00

ate ara - happee 23.

you too, mein dreiundzwanzig. daisuki so much. uwi na agad, ha?

2005-04-20T15:05:00.000+08:00

resilient.

YOU'RE gone, but i can still wait. *smiles* daisuki.

by the way. sana hindi mo na ako minumulto palagi, di ba? *wink*

broken sonnet. hale.
and now i concede
on the night of this fifteenth song
of melancholy,of melancholy
and now i will
admit in this fourth line
that i love you, that i love you
i don't care what they say
i don't care what they do
'cause tonight, i'll leave my fears behind
'cause tonight, i'll be right at your side
the clock on the tv say 8:39 pm
i'ts the same, i'ts the same
and in this next line
i'll say it all over again
that i love you, i love you
lie down right next to me
lie down right next to me
and i will never let go
will never let go
but i still i see the tears from your eyes
maybe i'm just not the one for you.

i miss my "anak", andrew.

2005-04-11T14:49:00.000+08:00

paradise.

It's a shame that I can no longer update this even on a weekly basis. Pardon me for spending almost all of my time staring at the ceiling, mouth agape, while waiting for my rocket to come - wherever that is. After all, it's not my fault that this summer hiatus's filled with a descript ennui.

The post title says it all. I am presently within my own tranquil seventh heaven. The basis? I was just, roughly two hours ago, at my dreuiundzwanzig's abode. I was speechless when I saw YOU, though. We both were. The basis? That, I do not know.

let me go. three doors down.
one more kiss could be the best thing
one more lie could be the worst
and all these thoughts are never resting
and you're not something i deserve
in my head there's only you now
this world falls on me
in this world, there's real and make believe
this seems real to me
you love me, but you dont know who i am
i'm torn between this life i lead
and where i stand
you love me, but you don't know who i am
so let me go
let me go
i dream we head to what i hope for
and i turn my back on loving you
how could this love be a good thing
when i know what i'm going through
no matter how hard i try
i cant escape these things inside
i know, i know
but all the pieces fall apart
you will be the only one who knows
who knows
you love me, but you dont
you love me, but you dont
you love me, but you dont know who i am
you love me, but you dont
you love me, but you dont
you love me, but you dont know me.

2005-04-04T16:55:00.000+08:00

independence.

I've got to get this thing straight to the point: I HAVE FINALLY GOTTEN MY REPORT CARD BACK A WHILE AGO.

Tell you what. It sucks, but I think that's all I truly deserve.

That piece of crap shove on my face the harvest of the languor and procrastination I have harnessed altogether the past quarters. But then again, I am confident enough that I had passed. I now feel obliged to give a warm "kudos" to this auspicious wretch.

I am currently reading "Crime and Punishment" by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, and I must say - he's the man. I see myself in Raskolnikov. I am uncertain. I am jam-packed with gibberish and nonsense. I easily succumb into intricacies. In short, I suck just like he does, and just like YOU do.

As of now, I am in dire need of a lot of summer excursions and gigs with my mates. Ennui sucks so bad (this definitely is an axiom nowadays, mind you) that it makes me want to scream my exasperations out more often. Bleargh. Boredom can be as despicable as carnages. Or am I talking too much?

I can't wait any longer. I wish you were here.

2005-03-28T17:06:00.000+08:00

frugal.

Happy birthday, chynna gonzalez. We love you.

Hell, yeah. It seemed like infinity had passed me by since I last updated this piece of crap. Who was I to know that my blasted laptop was, after all, predestined to have another one of its "cataleptic fit" attacks yet again? I tried to open it up a few days ago with the thought of it soliciting me some news about the greatest thing that happened in my life last march 24. But alas - it did not cooperate with my egotistic longing. So here I am, forced to type my thoughts out inside this humble net cafe...

I've always hated making blogposts in these kinds of places. People stop by to glance at the things you have just encoded and make a fuss about it where no one sees them react with their stupid faces. The keyboard's kind of cranky, too. It sucks. I wish I could have my lappie repaired at once so I would never have to suffer this much. It feels like I am foraging for scraps or something.

guess what. I am the happiest person in this world as of now.
... and it's because of YOU. sie sind mein alles.

daisuki. as in VERY MUCH.

here by me. three doors down.
i hope you're doing fine out without me
'cause i'm not doing so good without you
the things i thought you'd never know about me
were the things i guess you always understood
so how could i have been so blind for all these years?
guess i only see the truth through all this fear
and living without you...
and everything i had in this world
and all that i'll ever be
it could all fall down around me
just as long as i have you
right here by me
i can't take another day without you
'cause baby, i could never make it on my own
i've been waiting so long, just to hold you
and be back in your arms where i belong
sorry i can't always find the words to say
but everything i've ever know gets swept away
inside your love.

2005-03-23T16:38:00.000+08:00

on the floor.

i think i'll just have to post a survey here.

For starters...

1. Name: Kim Naranja
2. Nick: Kim, Kimnar, Omi, Elton (how the hell did I acquire such pet names?)
3. Middle Name: A
4. Hair: Dark Brown
5. Eyes: Dark Brown
6. Skin Color: Fair (enough)
7. Location: San Juan
8. Birthday: August 10, 1990
9. Zodiac: Leo
10. Status: definitely single.

Favorites

11. Animals: Erika and Bogart, a dog and a turtle respectively.
12. Sport: Soccer
13. Color: Green and Orange (invigorating!)
14. Song: Here Without You - Three Doors Down
15. Band/Singer: Coldplay, Switchfoot, Spongecola, and my all-time favorite: INCUBUS. (Brandon Boyd and Jose Pasillas are indeed Gods..)
16. Quote: "Only the man who has experienced ultimate despair is the only one capable of experiencing ultimate bliss."
17. Flower: Gentian
18. Scent: Armani White, Hugo Deep Red
19. Movies: Meet the Fockers, The Count of Monter Cristo
20. Holiday: Christmas hiatuses
22. Element: Fire
23. Books: Crime and Punishment, Fugitive Pieces, Songbird
24. Do you wear makeup?: Occasionally, I do.
25. Do you pluck your eyebrows: Not... yet.
26. Do you look for personality or looks: Personality (now this seems like a cliche to almost everyone...)
27. Perfect boy: any boy who would resemble Van Fanel's striking qualities would be considered perfect.
28. How many rings before you answer the phone: Up to three, I guess.
29. Future Career plans: Finish studies, and then earn lots of bucks.
30. Do you sleep with stuffies?: I have a stuffed frog named "Gilbert", and sleeping with him in my arms is definitely a must.
31. Do you want kids: Children? BLEARGH.
32. Are you popular: I don't think I have to be one.
33. Are you pretty: I don't think so.
34. Do you get along with your family?: Kind of...
35. Do you have any piercings or tattoos?: One per ear.

Do you like...

37. Giving hugs?: Not really. But it feels great giving away some.
38. Taking walks in the rain: Radical!
39. The mall?: I guess so.
40. Go on stage? Unless I am really required to do so (and if it is indeed a matter of life and death), I won't go before a live audience.
41. Drink: Not really... *snickers*
42. Smoke: For crying out loud, no!
43. Drugs: NO FREAKIN WAY.
44. Eat meat: yeah.
45. Date: if he's a fine chap - why not?
46. Sex: not really.. *snickers*
47. Eat sushi: Yay! *jumps around the room*
48. Bike: I've always abhorred the very fact that I cannot, undoubtedly, ride on a bicycle.
49. Hot or Cold: Hot. I just love the feel of sweating things out. and the beach, mahn!
50. Lace or Satin: Satin. I love its silky smooth feel.
51. Blue or Red: I like neither, but I think I'd be better off in blue than in red.
52. New or Old: Oldies. Music nowadays is just plain noise.
53. Rain or Snow: Snow. I love snow, though I never had a hold of it yet.
55. Wool or Cotton: Cotton. Thinking of wool makes me think of offal. (where's the connection?)
56. Rose or Daisy: Daisies.
57. Private school or public school: Private
58. Plain milk or chocolate milk: Plain milk. It is best consumed hot during long, cold nights.
59. Celsius or Fahrenheit: Fahrenheit! I love the word itself.=p and the perfume with the same brand name's totally cool!
60. Spring or Fall: Fall. I hate springtime.
61. Math or Art: I'd prefer ART. I REALLY SUCK in mathematics.
62. One pillow or two: more than two.=p
63. Dogs or Cats: dogs! I love dogs. *erika*
64. Adidas or Nike: I like Adidas more. But I think Nike's cool too.
65. Coke or Pepsi: Coca Cola.
66. Oranges or Apple: Oranges. They make me think of my last name. "Naranja" is the Spanish term for orange - and I love it.
67. Deaf or Blind: I'd rather be deaf - but I'd prefer to be normal, thank you very much.
68. Pool or hot tub: Pool! It rhymes with "cool". And I think pools are cool.=p
69. Blonde or Brunette: Brunette. I hate blondes.
70. Guys or Girls: Girls.
71. Tall or short: Tall. I am short, though.
72. TV or Radio: TVs. I love its audio-visual atmosphere.

Personal Stand on...

73. Homosexuality: it's okay, as long as they do not do anything against God's rules.
74. Brand names: I'm not that brand conscious, but brand names tend to show off the product's credibility. So I guess, it's a 50-50.
75. Abortion: It sucks big time. Why do "the act" in the first place? And now they want the unwanted child dead. That's stupid, unless it's caused by rape or something. But then again, only God has the right to take away human life...
76. Religion: why have different religions if we only have one God? True, we have different ways of worshipping him - but he's just one God. I think it's absolutely unnecessary.
77. Animal Rights: They deserve to have rights. Except the pesky ones, though...
78. Love at first sight: I think it's stupid.
79. God: God is goodness personified, and I love Him.
80. Aliens: Cool. Totally!
81. Horoscopes: Destiny is what we make out of it. Why listen to such crap?
82. Heaven: Heaven is experiencing perpetual contentment with God and the ones you love in an exceptional paradise. Heaven on earth is being with Gemini.
83. Hell: you go to hell if you've done something against God's will which had a great negative impact against others. *I don't get it...*
84. Reincarnation: Hinduism. The soul of a person takes life in another form. I think it's rubbish.
85. Transvestites: Sex is sacred and should not be used for the acquisition of sadistic pleasures. Transvestites violate this verity, and it is indeed appalling.
86. Boy Bands: Some are cool, some just suck big time.
87. Rap: I hate music with rapping people with bling-blings on it.
88. 80's music: COOL!
89. Punk: Bleargh.
90. Whats the prettiest instrument(s): Prettiest instrument? It has to be the piano.
91. Whats the prettiest part of the body?: Eyes. It's as if they voice your feelings out as well. They say I have intimidating stares, though. *better scoop these eyes out!*
92. Biggest fault: not admitting my true feelings for someone before that person's departure. I am a FAILURE.
93. Biggest fears: losing everything I care for and worked hard for. Makakapatay ako nang tao kapag nangyari yun.
94. Do you live in the moment?: I love reminiscing the past more.
95. Do you care about looks?: at times, I do. I think it is necessary though its sheer superficiality.
96. Do you like your handwriting?: I don't. I really don't.
97. Obsession: Green and orange stuffs. Blogging. Tv. Van Fanel. Soccer. Blueberry Cheesecake.
98. Looking forward to: the next schoolyear. Seeing the REAL Gemini.
99. Favorite weather: Rainy days.
100. Do you ever wish you were somebody else?: I wished I were someone else, but now, things just make me proud of being who I really am.=p

i miss my classmates. like TOTALLY.

and did i mention that i miss YOU too?

"anything done in the dark will soon be revealed by the light."

2005-03-21T17:12:00.000+08:00

great expectations.

myriad are the signs that tell me that i still have much to anticipate from everything i see that connects the two of us. i know i don't have to expect anything from whatever concerning our situation, but who knows?

bottomline is: asa lang nang asa.

i am not YET tired of doing so.

anyhoo, i feel for manny pacquiao and his grave loss. it's not that easy being up on that ring which would definitely bring you lots of... uh.. bruises all over your body. the verity that he has indeed lost to that certain morales guy is still implausible, though.

2005-03-18T11:05:00.000+08:00

feeble.

another opportunity blasted into smithereens. auf wiedersehen fur ewigkeit, i assume.

stolen. jay sean.
you were my eyes when i couldn't see
you were my air when i couldn't breathe
but you always knew what you meant to me
you were my strength when i was down
and you made me humble when i wouldn't bow
i held on to your promise that you'd be around
where were you when i was alright?
tell me, you knew I was alright
you left me thinking i'd be alright
wont you come back to me?
it's crazy but i'm falling apart
it's crazy how your leaving me scarred
it's crazy girl wherever you are
you stole my heart
it's crazy but i'm going insane
feeling lost confused and ashamed
it's crazy, hope your feeling my pain
you stole my heart
i was feeling lost in my own world
neglecting your needs only once girl
if only we could try again once more
now it's the same sad story that we all know
how lovers make mistakes watch it all blow
now i don't wanna be the one to let it all go

HAPPY GRADUATION, SENIORS 2004-2005. ALL OF YOU WILL TRULY BE MISSED.

2005-03-17T21:35:00.000+08:00

tactics.

time flies to fast. i never would have guessed that today was the final day of classes until our overweight principal who needs some MSA reviewing on her sentence structures said so. there are so many things i haven't gotten over and done with yet. there are still so many things to discover, too many things to revolutionize into something quite useful, too many things to accept and unleash out of one's system...

bleargh. being too mushy is not really my thing. i could've just said that i am still incredulous enough not to have believed that today's definitely the last day of classes. gusto ko pang pumasok!

so ends the whimsical part of this abysmal post. after getting the most awaited reservation slips which i got with no dilemmas (and subsequent to the "pop that violet balloon" session with gx as our year-end activity), i went out with joyce, chynna, jocelyn and jamille to eat at tempura in tomas morato. all of us took two separate cabs to spare the very first one of the mishap of getting its own tires flat because of our implausible weights. we had fun while waiting for our individual orders. (perhaps because it was joyce's mom's treat and yes, i did not get to spend my precious money; or it was probably because i have lastly learned on how to conduct static electricity using my feet) we saw kate and her other company enter McDonald's as soon as i was about to partake with jam's mango shake.

we had a challenge on who's going to endure the longest while eating that non-sticky rice with chopsticks. (the rice tends to some sort of break apart because it is, as I have mentioned earlier, non-sticky) of course, i was out of the challenge. joyce won. (duh?) then we raced back to her place with two separate cabs as usual. joyce and i landed in a cab with a bald driver. then this happened:

JOYCE: nar, may kamukha kang cartoon...
KIMNAR: sino na naman yan??
JOYCE: (thinks) wait iniisip ko pa... ah, gets! yung kalbo na cartoon character sa bugs bunny na ewan - si elmer fudd!
*bald taxi driver turns his head towards us with married brows*
KIMNAR: joyce! sira ka talaga - napatingin tuloy yung mama...

van fanel from "the vision of escaflowne" is such a hot guy. he's perfect, and he's just an anime. what a shame. *sobs*

hell, yeah. saying hello to my junior year means saying hello to myriad troubles, pains in the neck and harasses. but who knows?

mystic eyes. vision of escaflowne.
beyond the moon, blue searchlights overlap
you were alighted suddenly, angel
so who are you?
now the door of fate is opening, so just fall in love
don't let this anxious moment go. don't stop, baby
your mystic eyes that seem to burn
in your innocent, smiling face are breaking down
tt's for only you, this sign held deep within my eyes
the unending journey is beginning
the pounding in my chest just won't stop
i want to carry you away with me
it's so easy to love you
tossed around in dark clouds, day by day
because you're strong, whimsical angel
i won't look down on you
but feeling isn't just by chance,
it's more heart to heart
frozen dreams can heat up if we're together
Dissolving everything, your mystic eyes
draw me in time and time.
it's only me that crushes in your eyes
running even faster than light
in order to go and protect you
hey, can you hear it?
it's the sound of two people's future being born again
your blazing, mystic eyes
and your earnest smile touch my heart
it's for only you, this sign held deep within my eyes
embraced by a kiss so gentle
the pounding in my chest just won't stop
i'm carrying you away.

van: you're so hot...

2005-03-14T21:42:00.000+08:00

a feigned frontage.

I constantly act as if everything is all right. That convention is a must nowadays. Once you're unhappy, you are out of any picture. There was never a place for unhappy people. There might be a paradise waiting for them in their own solitude. I am unhappy. I belong to the populace deprived of sheer bliss just because they did not go against themselves. That verity is very definite. How I desire you'd see the way I'm breaking apart. I am imperfect - that I wish you to see and understand. I can never be like them or anybody else. My mistakes are utterly beyond the pale. I cannot do anything right. Only you can pacify this puncture in my heart, yet you refused to lend your palm to swathe it up. How can you be so selfish? I can never help myself. I have been feigning smiles and contentment as if they were what my spirit confines within. I am forced to do so. I refuse to be out of the picture. I am tired. Help me. You are my salvation. Do you hear my whispers? Take time to notice them. It is not always easy clinging onto false hopes. Time is running fast. You'll soon take flight. If only taking my soul with you would be feasible, I'd gladly do so. How I long to see the glow of acceptance on your face. Recognize me. You're everything I need.

sparks - coldplay.
did I drive you away?
i know what you'll say
you say "oh, sing one we know"
but i promise you this
i'll always look out for you
that's what i'll do
i say "oh", i say "oh"
my heart is yours
it's you that i hold on to
that's what i do
and i know i was wrong
but i won't let you down.
yeah I saw sparks
and I saw sparks
yeah I saw sparks
sing it out.

gx twelve: they hate us? we hate them. they laugh at us because we're totally different. we laugh at them because they are really stupid. they choose not to understand what is unfamiliar to them. it's clearly visible that THEY'RE JUST SCARED. who needs them? they are scums. they should mind their own beeswax. i know that they SURELY won't like it when we fight back. that, i guess, we should try sometime. game?

maksim: one hot guy.

2005-03-05T11:57:00.000+08:00

false hopes high.

Mahn. 8 more days to go, and the upshot of the pressure and egging the upcoming hell week's about to bring us will soon be put to the test. I still have to learn on how to prove in geometry and on how to place those damn annoying flats and sharps on major scales in music. In hell they all should burn. This is simply not right. Adios to the happy hours I was hooked on indulging myself into. Fuck. And by the way, did I mention that I still have to perfect my "balancing chemical equations" skills and have to be able to memorize the molecular geometries of each atom and be able to memorize those laws in trigonometry? Oh damn. School sucks. Rargh. Why can't I just stay at home and be my usual couch potato self? This is so lame. But what can I do? I must get this over and done with to be able to relish the impending lengthy summer hiatus. I'd appreciate it more if I would go through impregnable obstacles first before acquiring it. God forgive me. I haven't studied on any subjects just yet. I know I have to, as soon as possible. It's not like I have any other choice. What the fuck. Good luck to me. I'll need it most.

Finally. Tuloy na tuloy (I guess) na din ang pagpunta namin ni Dana sa bahay nila ate ara sa march 12. the long awaited premiere of that kung pow thing will finally commence soon. Sana wala nang hadlang.

Pootah. I need new soccer shoes from adidas. The ownership of a pair of such wonders will be enough to supply me annual bliss. I will TRY to play again. Oh yeah. Money can buy indeed buy happiness. The momentary ones, though.

You're what I go to school for. Too bad, the days are already counted.

2005-02-25T18:25:00.000+08:00

super.

keep on rocking, guys. chill.

smiling seems to make every hurt less painful. with lips cut, thanks to my mother's nice, fat slap with a bit of injustice, i have proven that this technique is effective. or so it seems.

2005-02-24T20:44:00.000+08:00

anesthetized.

"if you have a minute, why don't we go talk about it somewhere only we know?"

another break of day had been brought to life. The sun rose up afresh, enticing me to once again make use of the subsistence on whose purpose is predestined for no mere mortal to decipher. I strongly believed that this day would be unlike any other that had passed and proven their absolute reality and occurrence. This day, I assumed, would bring joy to those who are oppressed, would lighten the burden of whose innocent souls who were not accustomed to too much pain brought by every day's confrontations, and would unlock myriad yet heartfelt smiles.

the verification of these presumptions had stung me within with the usual pang of incredulity as I was combing the countless wisps of my hair flat after the morning assembly. I wished for misfortune to not come now in this time meant to be free of desolation. But I now know that not all prayers are right away left answered. Mishap once again had set foot in our humble classroom, wearing a garb that had this certain shade which contrasted the true color of her heart.

the horror had finally come. The presence of lucy per rowkee first thing in the morning wearing a white blouse with her usual (and not to mention loathsome) geometry modules sent shivers down the spines of each of us at hand in such an instant. She ruthlessly plagued us once more by forcing us to deal with ratios and trapezoids within the least amount of time rate. Talk about evil obscured within a seraph's garments.

but of course, having to endure the pain of dealing with geometry's not constantly the most awful feeling in this world. Making fish glues out of fish (what else?) is the most exasperating thing next to seeing 'mother teresa' and hearing her usual mumbles grievances on how weak and helpless she is. Doing business with this scaly creature (whom we have decided to call 'Anthony') is not at all amusing, especially the part wherein you have to wait for at least an hour to filter the water used to poach its bones (with a few flesh still stuck on them), its head (with a few disgusting stuffs inside which I pulled out using a handy pair of gloves) and skin. Anthony's grimy remaining parts on our lab table resembled the offal of a certain butchered animal scattered on the streets with little desperate animals consuming them for survival. Totally revolting.

I kept assuring myself that it would be best to just not mind these adversities and look on the bright side of life. Keeping both eyes fixed on my gemini alone brought me such satisfaction that I, even just for a fleeting moment, felt numb from all the outer forces that could've given me too much torment and brought me down in an instant. She is bliss personified; the pleasure of my soul, an earthly paradise.

the miting de avance for the new set of SGB officers next school year had also inaugurated this afternoon, with its claimants bearing with them their promises of contributing to the betterment of the school body's discipline and order, and submitting themselves to the implementations and formulations of the school policies. Some candidates lacked height while others had reached their zenith; some were just not laudable of being onstage while others were really meant for the post. Some had even proposed programs while others had sworn to bridge the gap among students. Meron pa ngang candidate na nanunuhol yata para manalo. Whatever. I will vote for whoever I wish to win, and not mind about the others.

dana oreo, joycee and yours truly answered a school survey pertaining to the credibility and quality of our school library. Dudes, we are not talking about lying here. We expressed our true feelings and wrote our annoyance against the place itself, its conveniences and personnel. Sa tingin ko panahon na para malaman ng mga madre ng st. paul q.c. kung gaano ka-leche ang library nila. Where the hell were our priceless tuition fees spent on? So anyway, we made comments about it such as these (yes, we literally wrote them on the survey sheet): "Your school library has a very poor quality. Please use the money we are giving you to improve its facilities. Dammit."

Joyce: "bakit ganon? ang st. paul pasig at st. paul, q.c. parehas lang ng tuition fee, pero bakit mas malaki ang library nila kaysa dito? anim na library ng st. paul q.c. ang isang library sa st. paul pasig.."

"walang maitutulad sa sumpang iyong linikha."

kuya angge: happee mo ngayon. 24. when was the last time you filled the world with love?

czarinna castro: ang babaeng madaming dapat ikwento sa akin. bilisan mo sa you-know-what!

mariel mendero: bago kong kapatid. sino na nga ba ulit yung babanatan mo?

jamille, stop this 'nonsense' this instant. i would do you no good. mas mabuti na ang ganito. huwag kang magpakatanga. huwag na siya.

kaycee: good luck, dude, on your way to find the right path to nirvana. you can have all the crushes you can possibly have - wag lang si gemini! haha.

alam nyo yung nakapasa sa ACET? si ate ara yun! oh well, sandel. i knew it. only the man capable of experiencing the ultimate despair is the only one capable of experiencing the ultimate bliss. kung pow!

2005-02-20T19:17:00.000+08:00

promise builder.

"pagpasensiyahan na lang ang mga pumipigil sa ating ligaya."

first of all, I ask for your pardon, reader, if you would notice na "gasgas" na ang English ko in this post. Basta. I'm super busy kasi. Gomen nasai.

by the way. belated happy four months to my gemini. i love you very much.

i was not yet over the anguish of not being able to see the concert that included the "sexy boy" marc abaya doing away with his fantastic singing-while-playing-the-guitar-awesomely proficiency last friday. There was still a part of me that egged me that I should've just escape from the grasp of my mother's supremacy in this domicile. In short, dapat tumakas na lang ako para napanood ko sana yung concert with gx.

"it's time to try anything to be with you."

but then again, it was all right. At leastmendee and I were spared from sr. remy's horrible sermons yesterday, which included her reproaching the students who went to the said event without showing to her their parents' consent. Dammit. She didn't even tell us that we were supposed to have her approval first before going, for crying out loud. Hay nako. Mamatay na nga siya.

btw. belated happee to dana oreo and to her plushie.xix, who once again stunned oreo with her prom queen beauty just as the two goddesses (gemini and panasonic) had amazed me with theirs consecutively.

"beauty is in the eyes of the beholder."

I was simply not yet geared up to have classes yesterday.(saturday) Miss yao just gave us notes in computer to copy to fill in for her absence, while ms. a told us to make improvements on our fuckin dp's. oreo and I have decided to be bad students. We didn't copy notes in computer (just this once!) and asked ily for yael yuzon's pictures instead. Damn, he looked uber-sexy in those portraits. So grabbing a permanent marker and a small page of a manila paper, I drew his head on it handing a slight change on his garb. I gave him "big boobs" and I let him don a tutu, fairy wings and a magic wand with a shining star at its tip. It looked funny. Then we realized na hindi na si yael ang kamukha nung drawing. Maybe marc abaya or mike shinoda. Wait. Maybe rachelle's coach, javee malapitan. *damn hot*

"pardon me while I burst into flames."

<-- YOU. How dare you call dana oreo a loser? Damn you. How do you call yourself, then? Get a life. You suck big time.

"I try to walk the same hill next to you."

mendee and I went to sm centerpoint a while ago to watch siyel's mall show. We went to her tent, and saw her coach first *coach jayvee: gwapo!* then siyel herself, pretty in pink. The people outside were staring at the two of us. Si mendero kasi, pinasuot din sa akin yung jacket na dala nya. Eh ang init sa labas. Mukha tuloy kaming tanga.

mendee --> sorry, hindi kita nasabayang bumanat. Kasi naman eh. next time - promise.

siyel --> paano ba ako babawi? paano KAMI babawi? babawi talaga ako next time.

"ayokong magising sa umagang nang-aakit mabuksan."

twenty days are all that's left for me to see my gemini. After that, she will be around no more. She'll be leaving me behind. Sooner, memories are all that's going to be left with me, and that I simply cannot tolerate. Dudes, a life lived without her is no good. It'll be back again to its primitive form - colorless. Lifeless and without contentment. I don't want her to leave just yet, but she must. She simply cannot defy through fate's decisive wishes.

"ngayo'y lilipas nang hindi kita nasisilayan."

(songbird: one cool must-have. wolf, you shouldn't have died just yet.)

2005-02-16T08:34:00.000+08:00

anything but yellow.

it feels so damn good to procrastinate, and with that thought still taking over my intoxicated mind, i plan to engage myself in such act longer than i had anticipated. i guess i want to extend my schedule in committing the sin of omission once more. (for, as i have said, it invigorates one's soul) but unless the truth is obliged to be hold, i would just like you all to know that i MUST procrastinate in the meantime. oreo and i must procrastinate as of now, though we are completely amenable to that certain particular that humans cannot hold their pieces within themselves forever. but alas, how long are we to hold this piece of crap forever? how long must i endure the pain

procrastinate from what, you say? i'd rather not tell you. it is indeed a top secret info between the hotshots.

btw, i am now inside the internet lab, relishing this liberty i had just been given.

*updating post later*

2005-02-10T13:33:00.000+08:00

ureshii.

XTAC --> happy!

** to the insolent fool who keeps on bugging my besty, eka - lay your hands off her, you repulsive mass of cells. do not force her to love you beyond her capacity. buzz off and get a life. oh, by the way - learn how to skip meals, will you?

** [panasonic.x], you rock my world. isa kang diyosa. gawd! *swoons*

** i am not grounded anymore. i can finally go out whenever i wish to! kudos to my dad for making this feasible.

2005-02-09T13:22:00.000+08:00

cosmic alliances.

I have not been posting recently, for precise dealings have been keeping me from manufacturing at least two, or, as I kept on telling myself, "tinatamad lang talaga ako". Now I can't seem to find away on how to pack a lot of undertakings in a single entry. But then again, as ADIDAS would articulate it, "impossible is nothing". I can do this. I can cram them all in a single post - and here it goes.

I shall begin first with what has transpired today, for its reminiscences are the ones still fresh within my memory capacity at present.

INTENSE DESPAIR. being literally beaten up by my parents last night for they now know that I have been slashing xiv's on my wrist. my mother, fearing that, out of my imprudence for doing such, i would end up getting those nasty scars, wrung her hands in misery; and it was as if all of her hopes of her only daughter having an unblemished crust had just been shattered into pieces. my dad, on the other hand, was no exception; he slapped me real hard for innumerable times, and kept on egging me to confess whether I have been a part of school fraternities that contradict on what's moral and honorable. I wanted to snap back, I wanted to kick them out of my sight and just run away; little did they know that they hurt me more than slashing did. they never even gave me the chance to speak for myself and to voice out the rationale on why I did such discreditable act. Yes. They never gave me the prerogative to be heard.

tino seemed like my only companion this morning, to whom I had cried out all my exasperations and to whom I belted out all my pains. Thank you, tino.

NASTY SHOCK. seeing KC with that blue floral bag. Hearing tino assert that ___'s virginity is, to her, truly questionable.

IDIOCY. pretending to repent for all of my sins (today's Ash Wednesday). maybe I will soon, in heaven's leniency - but NOT now.

ULTIMATE BLISS. we did not have most of our classes today because the teachers had this special gathering (they probably were conspiring sr. remy's downfall... that, I hope they did). being geometry-less and rowkee-less for more than a week now.

ANNOYANCE. seeing ms. tan alive, still ordering us to read SRAs.

HYPERACTIVITY. staying late in school with mariel. Eating "pipino" with mayonnaise from Gourmet. Pagbanat ng matindi.

btw. Let me fit in my supposed-to-be February 07 post.

HYPERACTIVITY (version 02). going out with mariel to six malls to buy siyel a gift yesterday. Pagkawala naming sa kalagitnaan ng Murphy. Savoring that costly colorful spiral candy from Sweet Factory. Seeing that desirable nike jacket once again.

PRODUCTIVITY. writing down 22 reasons to commit suicide.

INSIGNIFICANCE. trying to perfect, along with tino, out cha-cha moves. My friends, tell me. What the hell is the significance of learning that stupid dance? Who the hell invented it, anyway? I can survive without it. I can breathe and I can sleep without it. Darn. Hindi na kailangan ng cha-cha. Pootek naman. Nakakasira ng araw. PE subjects, minus the swimming sessions, do suck big time.

ECSTASY. imagining ms. Guzman lying eagle-spread on the floor, dead.

so there.

when was the last time you filled the world with love?

2005-02-06T10:50:00.000+08:00

roses.

last night was a night of unbearable anger and depression. i broke down on the phone with my best friend, eka for i couldn't just keep this feeling of rage and guilt within me. my eyes are now swollen and there's just no way to hide them. underneath sunglasses? there's go to be a better way other than that.

i went online early just this morning to blog-hop and to unleash my exasperation in some ways concerning the world wide web. (like blogging? haha.) to my surprise, i found out that mariel and siyel were also online, and finally felt the need to settle things up with them once and for all. and that, i did.

it wasn't easy to argue with them at first. naasar talaga ako. ang babaw ng dahilan. i even said words which were not meant to be said; my mouth should've been just shut up. i am guilty of procrastination, and am aware of it. but after a few hours of significant arguements, mariel and i were finally able to straighten things out. dude, i am very, very sorry again. never did it come across my mind that you'd take that thing i said the other way around. hindi na talaga mauulit. anyway, welcome back, mahn.

what can i say? let us celebrate good times!

mariel --> uy.. yung "banat" natin... paano na? flowers at donuts? sure!

i am so sorry, siyel.

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY, PATRICIA JOYCE RAMOS-SANTANDER!

2005-02-05T20:41:00.000+08:00

"it would have been better to have just left some things unsaid."

namamaga na ang mga mata ko ngayon. masaya ka na?

"i don't hate you nar!"

... sorry lang. bihira lang kasing maging kapani-paniwala ang mga ganyang mga salita sa YM.

2005-02-05T18:32:00.000+08:00

rave.

"ayaw niyang sabihin sa akin kung bakit ayaw na niyang sumama sa amin. Parang... ang unfair kasi eh. tinanong naming siya ni kate kanina kung ano ang problema. Sinabi niya, kasama ka daw dun. At sabi naman ni kate, alam nya yung dahilan kung bakit - at sobrang reasonable daw. May nasabi ka daw na hindi maganda, at may binaggit ka daw na 'sa amin' dun."

"sana sinabi niya sa akin noon pa kung ano yung problema, at sana hindi nya kayo dinadamay kung sa akin siya galit. Ayoko namang nangyayari ito sa inyo eh. sana naging vocal na din siya sa galit nya sakin para naintindihan ko agad. Ang hirap kasi ng ganito e. she can hate me so much if she really wishes to, pero 'wag na sana nyang patagalin ito at sana 'wag nya kayong idamay."

you know who you are. why don't you tell me what's wrong? nahihirapan din naman na ako eh - hindi lang ang xtac na bigla mo nalang "iniwan sa ere". I know it's my fault. Pero you should've at least said kung ano yun, di ba? we miss your company so much to the point that i can break out any time. Please tell me what's wrong, and make me amend for it. ='(

i slashed a medium-sized yet quite deep " [xiv] " on my wrist last night and while answering the quiz in ap. i plan to make a picture of it and post it sometime here. it was fun, though mahapdi whenever i wear my watch. it's so damn annoying! waah.

I finally gave into gx's beseeches and naggings for me to come with them as they venture through joyce's house for lunch, then to gateway. I know I cannot refuse to comply my mom just yet (my mother did not permit me to go to joyce's since she'll be going to the province), but I simply cannot reject to their enticing proposal as well. Basically, I cannot. So off I went, with the rest of gx, to joyce's house. This wretched fool is obliged not to make her twin disappointed and cry once again.

the ten of us (chynna, joyce, angge, price, jocelyn, czaren, eji, zche, jamille and yours truly) squeezed ourselves inside joyce's convertible automobile and paved our way through their cozy abode. *dances to the rune of "karma"* After resting there for a while, our stressed brains have finally decided to make our next round to the national bookstore at quezon avenue. Chynna had to buy neon-colored papers for her English project (principally to piss off ms. tan because of its color schemes), while the rest had to buy random stuffs.

chynna --> hey! Ganda ng book natin - costly yet really constructive. It's worth Php 1,045, after all.

I purchased a yellow"fire exit" sign as a birthday gift for joyce, and, despite of its eccentricity which, I assume, have "petrified" somehow, she accepted it appreciatively. I even asked her to frame it, and frame it she will.

again, we squeezed ourselves inside this humble cab. Jocelyn and I were reciting Japanese phrases while enduring the pain of having price sitting on top of my achy lap.

tawagan nila eji, czaren and zche? --> "ass-holes". =')

after I borrowed clothes from joyce, we hastily went to gateway, making use of the facilities of the ingenious LRT train situated in the Gilmore station. We went there just in time to have our pictures taken. (we even saw the two Berin sisters who chose to have theirs caught in camera as well). after a few seconds of thinking of queer playprod poses and "spirits"-standing, it was finally our turn.

isa lang ang masasabi ko. ANG SAYA. I never thought I would enjoy having my pictures taken so much for the first time. When we got the pictures, waah. It was great. Most of them hated the formal one, and czaren did loathe the "crazy pic". I'll let you all know why soon. (haha! Kingdom animalia pala eh!)

then we roved around the new mall. The group even split apart to go their own favored stores to purchase some items. Czaren and I went to lacoste and to nike to find stuffs to buy there, but found them all pricey. Oh no.

one thing's for sure - I certainly have fallen in love already with that yellow nike jacket...

... and for those twocute adidas shirts - the red and black ones.

the bottom line is, it was fun. No need to particularize events here; I need not say more. It was awesome. I think I should hang out with gx more often. I just realized that I have missed them so much. (nakakainis! Hindi ako pinayagang mag-speedzone with gx at mag-overnight kanila joyce. how are they doing there kaya ngayon? haay. you just wait until mag-overnight uli tayo sa house nila zche. papayagan na ako, for sure!)

*pictures to be uploaded soon*

I am still hoping for things to straighten out and to revert to the way they used to be. It's be better if it were that way.

(rave!)

2005-02-04T20:35:00.000+08:00

sensing sensibility.

human beings are not capable of holding their own pieces hidden within themselves forever. they have to let it all out. they have to give into their human nature. but sometimes... i do not tend to do so. gumagawa ako ng madaming bagay para takasan ang lahat.

now i am not making any sense, am i? that's not even the half of it, reader.

LIBERATION. having lost three consecutive hours of geometry periods. consuming "chinese candies".

AGITATION. being aware of the fact that the two "yawas" have been coming to school together and discussing skeptical matters in the quad for long periods of time before the morning assembly's commencement. tino and I having a glimpse of that dubious red plastic bag inside ms. yaw-a's white car, which contrasts that color of her heart, and that is, pure soot.

EXASPERATION. seeing her face glare at me. seeing her pass by me without a word. seeing things not being the way they used to be. seeing that she's not my friend anymore.

DISAPPOINTMENT. not being able to attend joyce's birthday bash tomorrow at speedzone without a valid reason (I consider the excuse that my mother did not allow me in the LAST MINUTE invalid).

CONTENTMENT. seeing 'xiv' pass by me, flashing her beautiful smile.

SURPRISE. noticing that the girl-on-the-right-side of my blogskin resembles the sassy lucy per rowkee.

ANGER. hearing the song "kung ako na lang sana" three times consecutively this afternoon.

STRESS. trying to finish my english project - my book report on "the count of monte cristo".

SUCCESS. having found just last night with ardent efforts the exact procedure on how to make "fish glues" for our DP.

SATISFACTION. deliberately missing out three LRT trains just to get that view from above the station - with that matching soothing zephyr to brush your face with. (a great way to meditate)

HUMILITY. asking the Big Man above to help me straighten things out.

(I am so sorry to have failed you, guys. I am so sorry. nahihirapan din ako eh.)

unconventional.

2005-02-02T19:53:00.000+08:00

unconventional.

This information has verified its factuality way back when all the inhabitants in this world crammed with fickle-minded societies were still sane, but I must say it once more: computer hackers truly suck. They all deserve to have an excellent feel of what genuine hell tastes like. I can't seem to comprehend why they're taking pleasure in such an act, which entails looting through other people's private stuffs. That is such a shameful feat to do, for crying out loud. Why can't those asinine hackers understand that? It would've been better for them not to be born. You all suck. waah.

To the fool who ransacked through my old blog and literally messed up some things, you deserve a big, fat damn. Go to hell, bitch. Buzz off forever and get a life.

I'll be making use of this blog now. Adios to the old one to whose blogskin I was accustomed into seeing to everyday. it has been more than four months since I have decided that your URL will be "mooncakexxii". Unquestionably will I miss all that we have gone through and everything that I have intrepidly chucked on to you as you have solicited me of the daily events in my sucky life. *rubs eyes in disappointment*

Tomorrow yet again is another day of dealing with quadrilaterals, navigation, ecology and chemical bonds. I just wish that I would not suck in any quiz for I simply cannot tolerate the humiliation I can attain from it once more. I have had enough. Tomorrow will be unlike the yesterdays that had gone by, I swear. =')

Flavie! Pautang naman para makapagpa-tattoo na ako kay "rachelle ayala" na sumisingil ng 1 million pesos per line. She has cool designs eh. yung limousine ko din, ha?

I passed by her this afternoon, with some papers clutched in her hand. Tentative of what to do or even how to act, I just tried to keep my cool and pretended that I did not perceive her. Being an insignificant fool contrasting her, I was invisible to her naked eye, anyway.

How hard was it again to say those one-syllable words? Wait. Stay.

Instead, I let her walk away.

(hoy, "lalaki"! happy mo ngayon. hehe. seven months pala eh...)